Simple thought of you.
When im facing the hardships in my life, i stop and pause. And i think of you. With that simple thought, i can feel your love racing through my body and you give me life. First i can feel your love creeping through my spine and giving me the chills that shake off all of my stress and pain. It then proceeds to pass through my heart. With every beat, your love is pumped though my veins and i become overwhelm by love. I fall into your ocean of love. With that simple thought comes another. Your smile. Just thinking of you smile makes me smile. How i can see the image of your beautiful face so perfectly in my mind. I can see your brown eyes looking into mine and mine looking into yours. How your long brown hair flows passed your shoulders. Its almost as if you are right in front of me. So i keep my eyes closed tight so your image will never leave my mind. I then think of your voice. How much you sound like an angle. I then can hear you speak. Softly you call my name. When i hear your voice, it makes everything okay. That you are near. Maybe not physically but you are always in my thoughts. I then imagine your touch. As i look down at my hand I can feel your hand slowing sliding into mine. Your fingers fall between mine and i squeeze tight. The warmth of your hand on mine is like nothing else. I begin to look up at you and you give me that smile that i love so much. As we walk, each step is in sync with each other and we walk into the rest of our lives. Hand in hand. All brought on by a simple thought. So now i open my eyes. And thought becomes reality. I have you, always by my side. So in love.
Can I be
Can I be everything you dreamt of? Can I be the one you first think of in the morning and be the last conscious thought before you lay your heavy eyes to rest? Can I be the man that will never let you down, the one who will always be with you no matter what? Can I be your best friend? Can I be your one and only love? Can I be with you forever? Can i be the one you let into your heart completely? Can I be everything you ever wanted? Because Theresa you are all of that to me. You are the girl of my dreams. You are on my mind from the moment I wake up till the moment I fall asleep. You are the one that i always want to be with babe. You are my best friend and the love of my life. You have my heart. You are everything i ever wanted. You are the one i need standing next to me holding my hand through the struggles of life. I know that when i have you, nothing can really ever be that bad because you’ll be mine. And I’ll be yours. Together we will be unstoppable, unbreakable, and unphased by anything that gets in our way. And in the end, it will always be me and you. So as our love story continues it will be the the greatest of all fairy tales. Full of happiness and love. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me Theresa. I love you so much babe, and I will never stop loving you.
Broken Bicycle
Alone like how we are. Well, how i am. How i constantly thinking you are with someone else. How i doubt this. How i doubt myself. How i think im not right for you. Even tho you say that there is no one else and that we are perfect. You say it so much that i stop believing it. Like seeing the sunset for the first time. But then it gets old after countless views that once left us in awe. But i stop and say, what am i thinking. Am i going crazy just because i miss you. I dont think so. Im torn like a slashed tire. I try to seal the hole, but i cant keep it together so i keep on losing air. I keep on losing you. No matter how many patches i put on. Its never enough for the miles i put between us to hold us together. So every now and then, but somehow more recently, often than more, we get a flat. Our chain of love that is connected to the pedals of our hearts stop wanting to push. Our wheels stop turning. So we are at a stand still. Not knowing what to do. Weather to change tires and try someone new, or keep patching the hole. Only waiting to see how long it will last this time. I feel that you have become so used to this process that it has become the norm. Only becoming blind to what is so wrong right in front of you. Me. So i deal with the decision of making a decision for you. One that will ultimately do you good. Maybe you will still be blind in the near events, but will soon clearly see what you needed all along. What i could never give to you.
Regret
I know about your previous relations. And how i came in and possibly fucked up your life. How you could have had it all. But instead, im here. So for your sake, i regret what i have done. Because i know you would be happier. You wouldnt have to deal with many of the things we are dealing with. Distance. You would always be with each other. He would be able to provide for you in ways that i probably could never do in my life. I would give you everything you want if i could, but i cant. He can. So after every fight, i regret everything. The heartache i caused you, the isolation, the loneliness, and the sorrow that i have brought into your life. Im scared to have ruined your life. Im sorry for what i have done. You would be much happier without me. You can say different, but i know its true. I dont know what to do. I cant be selfish and keep you only because i need you, i need to think about your happiness too. I regret this because the bad outweighs the joy i bring you. Im sorry for everything. I..
Overwhelmed
Overwhelmed by the thought of what this could turn into. so i pursuit it. Ignoring the troubling signs that laid right in front of me. Instead i was focused on the overwhelming feeling of what i thought was innocence. But was really noting less but deceiving lies. So as i look back, i wonder if all of it was just a lie. If you too were only overwhelmed of what this could be. Maybe we fell in love of what we wanted us to be and not with each other. But along the way, i put everyone on hold. I always put you first no matter what was going on in my life. I expressed my love to you everyday like it was the last time ill ever see you. And you did the same, or so i thought. We had it, love. What everyone wants, we had it. But you went and fucked everything up. To this day, i still dont know why or what made you do the things you do, i dont think i will ever understand. I wish i could get this burden off my shoulders and this thought out of my mind but i cant. No matter what i do. So i play it off and pretend everything is fine. But still the problems continued to be right in front of me, but like a fool, i was overwhelmed by what this could be so i accepted it like a meth head inhaling chyristal into his lungs. i hate it, but i take it. Its almost like your love too. At first it gets me high but then after a little while, i start to itch at hatred and shake with anger. So you give me another dose just to keep my hooked. I dont want to leave, but i dont know how much longer i can continuously take being disappointed and let down. Especially when you tell me different but act the opposite. So now i will stick with my gut and not believe a word you say, instead listen to the voice of your actions and language of body. I will no longer stand up to my parents for you and make up excuses when they question me because i am tired of lying to them because of you. No longer will i be overwhelmed by the thought of what this could be, but now i am overwhelmed at the thought this could be no more.
Meaningless
Poems and poems, thoughts and thoughts, words and words. Meaningfulness writing with no real audience. Only writing to relieve my mind of the sorrows of life. Only my inner feelings beings portrayed through somewhat clever flow. Like a song with only a good beat but with no real lyrics. Its meaningless. Imagine me all alone being dragged away into the dark, and locked into the truck of a car with all of my hidden daemons. There i lay frighten, trembling, and breaking my fingers just to try somehow to get away. So its nothing but me and my thoughts. Only to realize i may never get out. so i write, hoping one day someone will understand the loneliness and pain i had went through. I’m just like a little kid who loses their parents and along comes that gut feeling of pure terrifying moments. But when all seems that everything is going no where and only down… There you came to rescue me. Its somewhat of a dream because i still cant believe life could turn from the pits of despair to something so good so fast. Almost like seeing a shooting star from the corner of your eye but before you can confirm that it was really there, its gone. So if i am indeed dreaming, i never want to be woken up. I never want you to be like a shooting star because that only means i have been blessed with you for only a short amount of time, and then you fade away out of my life. So i stay writing poems and poems, from my thoughts and thoughts, that turn into words and words. Only to show proof that if indeed this is only a dream, at least i have the moments written down for me to read and relive over and over.
It’s times like now that I feel the most alone. Currently 2:24 with nothing but my thoughts. I miss you so much, words can’t begin to describe. Like being tied to an anchor sinking under water, needing a breath of air but cant get it no matter how hard i try. And as time passes I only sink further and further away from you. It’s always hits hard especially when we had such an amazing weekend as the one we just shared together. And in an instant it’s over, like a shot to the head. and you’re far away again. It’s times when you’re right next to me, holding me… to being by myself the next moment that hurt the most. Somehow i just cant stop the pain. I wish we could always be together like love is with you and me. I’m so lost when you’re not here. Everything is so hard and nothing comes easy. I need you in my life Theresa. I love you soo much and I will always love you. I hope I can be good enough for you, I hope I can always make you happy, and most importantly I hope I can be everything you want me to be. I don’t want to let you down. I always want to be the one that you can count on.I’m so scared that I’m going to lose you to someone better. Maybe that’s why I get so jealous. I’m sorry. Its just that I love you so much i don’t want to lose on those precious moments in your life to someone else, especially when im far away. There’s so many better guys out there for you than me. I got nothing going for me, I’m not going anywhere in life. Even youre friends just call me a low life. Im sorry my past haunts you. I’m sorry for embarrassing you by that. I’m sorry your friends ask why you are with me. I’m sorry I’m not better when all i want to be is good enough for you.
STOLEN MOMENTS
Feels as if I am being robbed of moments that should be mine
like a man who whos heart has been broken once more by an exlover
no matter how hard he tireds
he cant get away from that heart break
I cant get away from the feeling that
my moments
are being stolen…
compare the moments I share with you
to him
its like comparing wins with the lakers and kings
im losing
losing in the moments he gets to look into your eyes
losing in the moments he gets to hug you
losing in the moments he gets to eat with you
losing in the moments of time
when time means everything to me
I seems as if I can never get enough of it with you
and so when you’re gone
theres no one to dry my tears
although you may say
“it doesn’t matter about more moments, my moments with you mean more than those with anyone else”
but sadly that doesnt stop the jealously, anger, pain and heartbreak
that I feel
so as moments pass
and im all alone
I wonder
at this very moment
who are
stealing my moments
DAYS I WILL NEVER FORGET
Love
I never saw it coming
on the brightest sunrise of my life
you were like a gust of wind
hitting me on my face
and knocking me off my feet
you were there to catch me
like my angle who always watches over me
you were there on the day I will never forget
on September 17, 2011 you started to catch me
148 days ago
the first time my lips touched yours
and in that moment I felt something inside of me change
love
and every time I would leave your side I wish I could have
seen you for 1 more minute longer
held your hand 4 times tighter
and kissed you 8 more times
the next 65 days I fell deeper and deeper in love with you
until that
day I will never forget
November 19, 2011
84 days ago
the day you told me you loved me
that moment is engraved into my memory
I remember it just like yesterday
in that moment
my world was perfect
it was as if time had stopped
and it was only me and you in the world
and with all my heart and soul
leaving my lips and entering your heart…
I told you
I love you
and till today
February 14, 2012
Valentine’s day
it’s a
Day I will never forget
It’s a day that I will never have to be alone again
because I will always have you
my one and only love
true love
so with these 150 days since I kissed your lips
everyday has been a
day I will never forget
with you
